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Only, she's worried about getting splinters, um *down there*. Doctor: You got two different testicles. The bear was taking a shit in the woods when he asked the rabbit if he had problems with shit sticking to its fur. ", A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. Mental note: never again knock on the door of strangers . Whether you're looking to make your guy friend (or boyfriend!) said his adventurous girlfriend. 17 Pinocchio Dirty Jokes In Disney's 1940 film, Pinocchio, the premise of a man with a wooden puppet seems completely endearing at first. Every time they would have sex, she would complain about splinters. Nurse could not bear a patient concerned so much. Two friends see a dog that is licking its parts: The bad guys, on the other hand, are not merely mean, crude, or dark they're actively cruel, exploitative, and abusive. A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. And among yours? 'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'. The farmers wife responded I think it needs to be a little longer. AHA! well, Geppetto was the one pulling the strings. Cinderella, Superman and Pinocchio die and go to heaven. do you like your eggs, grandmother Yo mama so dirty, her perfume is roach spray. We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the dirtiest Disney . No it wood knot. "Sandpaper," said the carpenter. For all intents and purposes, Pinocchio is made a real-life boy just after Geppetto builds him, thanks to some magic from the Blue Fairy. A man enters a pizzeria, accompanied by two ladies and says: Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. -And what does it have to do with the way you walk? St. Peter explains that he should ask any person who comes to the gates a little about themselves before they enter. 24. A long way Man: Yes, two - Pinocchio is 3 and Terminator will be 7 soon. * Paradise. Did you have any family?" 2. . I'm the strongest person in the world! Sex/Dirty Jokes One day Pinocchio was moping around his home and his dad Geppetto said, "What's wrong Pinocchio?" Pinocchio: "Well every time me and my girlfriend has sex she gets splinters, what should i do?" Geppetto: "Well Pinocchio why don't you try sand paper?" The next day Geppetto says, "So did the sand paper help your girlfriend have sex?" I'm the strongest person in the world!" Tell me his name!" Second: "That is excellent. He doesn't even walk Pinocchio to school or let the teacher know that they'll have a new student. Dissolvable relationships What do you call a nanny that doesnt flush? The poor redheads are also protagonists to the force of this collection of short dirty jokes. Why didn't Pinocchio make it thru puberty? The little girl replies, Well, mommy you really shouldnt bother with that. He openly questions the proceedings often, at one point rhetorically asking, "What the cuss is that all about?" Police Officer: Were you going 60 miles on a 40 mile road? * You have to see how you are! The key to success His name is Pistachio, every time he lies his nuts grow. * Sir, I sell eggs RELATED: 55+ Dark Jokes If You Have A Sick-Yet-Silly Mind. - Well, to feel something hard! KNOCK KNOCK replied Pinocchio. * The keys to paradise? See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes. Sofia the seagull speaks (but only to other animals), while Geppetto's two pets, Figaro the cat and Cleo the goldfish, never pipe up. Why was it so quiet in your room last night? It necessarily had to be included in the 2022 live-action remake, and it's a true spectacle, a dazzling, fireworks-laden display of amusement park rides, petty crime, debauchery, and tomfoolery. They had been having sex for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmers wife, Well, how do you like having sex with a Martian? Can the excess cause death Seeing as how "Pinocchio" takes place in the 1800s, this means Jiminy is well over 200 years old. The 40 best dirty jokes to die of laughter If there is something that we are missing here, it is shame, so here we go with our collection of jokes: 1. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. There is Christmas every year. Among the classic characters that make an appearance on Geppetto's clocks are Princess Aurora from "Sleeping Beauty," Donald Duck, some standouts from "The Lion King," and Roger and Jessica Rabbit from the Disney-adjacent "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" the director of the latter happens to beRobert Zemeckis, who just so happened to have directed this very "Pinocchio" movie. At the end of the film, Pinocchio is still made of wood, but he's learned those lessons and is thus declared an actual person. "Why do you cry for Old Man?" Lie to me!". Jiminy Cricket explains it away with a joke, laded with shade and double entendre. He had a cat named mittens and a dog named champ. 35. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,'So, Here I am!". How did Pinocchio figure out he was made of wood? Doctor: You got two different testicles. Older viewers, whether they like it or not, consume movies with a more critical eye than do younger ones, always analyzing things just a little bit particularly when the entertainment is geared toward children and their brains might need slightly more engagement. A child discovers his parents in full 69 and says: If someone calls themselves 'honest,' they're not. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. The farmer replied, That damn bitch yanked on my fucking ears all night long!. . He deals with the world as it comes to him, so he's bound to make a few mistakes. Mickey replied, "No I didn't. snoopy happy dance emoji 8959 norma pl west hollywood ca 90069 8959 norma pl west hollywood ca 90069 A few weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again. To which the little one replies: He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed. . A few weeks later the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again. The "Pinocchio" story, and the 2022 take specifically and explicitly, is an exploration of ethics, what it means to be human, and if ethics are indeed what separates people from other animals or inanimate objects. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); - Submitted by Lisa. With so many women and you go to bed with the stork? "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Honey, Im going to build you a castle to make love to you like a queen . Who discovered fire I've been talking with my girlfriend, and we want to start making love. "How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?" What are the best selling Disney sex toys? He took care of everything." 8. * Sex, of course! Mickey Mouse: - 33. Because Sadness touched one of his balls. Maybe I know of him." A farmer in a job interview: Lie to me." 6. that you are going to swallow it whole Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather; perverted is when you use the whole bird. 31. The nature of and ability of animals in 2022's "Pinocchio" remake just may puzzle older viewers, should they think too hard about it. The original story: The original story was called the Adventures of Pinocchio and it was written by Carlo Collodi. But some of us have a slightly more twisted sense of humor than others. But dad! Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. His father shows pity and gives Pinocchio a piece of sandpaper to smooth his member down whenever he needs to. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. * He told me not to even touch the eggs, the friend the protagonist of our dirty joke from before. "I know of no prince with that kind of power! However, it just so happens that after a little while Jesus passes by. Pepe, Pepe, put on your glasses, youre eating the grass! I feel like sex One is made of wood and the other one is metal. By and large, adults are more observant than younger folks, and those eagle-eye abilities come in handy, and are rewarded, when watching a big franchise-type movie, the kind that's bound to be replete with references to familiar pop culture of the past. Freckles, son The authentic Christmas spirit He's standing there, knocking on the pearly gates, but unfortunately for him St Peter's on his lunch break. "Who needs girls?" "Sandpaper," said the carpenter, "that's what you need." Saint Peter decides to take a day off work, and Jesus takes his place. ", She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, saying "Lie to me!". ", Because he click on "Agree" without reading the "Terms and conditions", He approaches the old man and asks.. "good sir, why have you not entered heaven yet?" On their way they talk:Cinderella: "I want to be remembered as the most beautiful girl in the world"Superman: "I want to be remembered as the strongest person in the world"Pinocchio: "I want to be remembered as the greatest liar in the world"It's Cinderella's turn. When Pinocchio lies, his nose gets an erection. She sat on Pinocchio's face and made him lie to her. 36 Disney Jokes That Dont Take the Mickey. . -Yes, yesterday I put one in her ass and she made me see even the stars Tell me the truth. ? I'm the most beautiful girl in the world!" Then goes Superman. Every time he lied to me it made me feel so much better, Why did Pinocchios girlfriend break up with him? * Calm down, lady, Ive got you by the neck! Are you my new boss? The other watches your snatch. It's all part of a nefarious plan by the park's organizers. "That's what you need." So Pinocchio took some sheets of sandpaper and went home. He goes into the room and comes out happy, saying "It's done. The place is the least of it So Pinocchio took some sheets of sandpaper and went home. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. Why doesnt Thumper make noise during sex? How does it feel? * Luis A father who tells his son: Pinocchio hated his nose, but he didnt want to hurt Geppettos feelings, so he told him he loved it. Because he only comes once a year. Pinocchio: Yep. Wow, Im so tired! "This is nothing some simple sand paper, When they see a house with the sign on "Words prettiest woman contest". The children, involuntary protagonists of the most bawdy dirty jokes. No, because Monstro the whale that swallows Geppetto, Pinocchio, and the pets never utter a word. At the very least, the experience will make up for the back pain afterward . Dog envy How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? Log in to follow creators, like videos, and view comments. 28. Calm down man! When his hand caught fire. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." A busy schedule no!". But if you're bold enough to deliver a punchline, you deserve the laughs it'll earn you. ? 8. well, Geppetto was the one pulling the strings, Hear about the girl who sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Are you gonna lie to me!?" . 3. The Daily English Show. he asked. What a horror, what a beast, what a monster!!! Who nose . -Damn, if she has received visitors today! ", Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughters room where she didnt hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it. Jesus asked. Yo mama so dirty, when she swims in a pool, a ring is left around the edge. ITS A LIIIEEEE!! It's simple - you can unscrew a . * Give me some powder, Im hot! The 2022 Disney adaptation, starring Tom Hanks as Geppetto, is rife with jokes, lines, themes, references, and other bits that only grown-ups will catch and understand. He also had a wood pecker. If it is that Why do you say anything, Manolo, 3. he answers proudly. First: "My daddy is so tall that he can touch the clouds in the sky with his hands." Does anyone know if Pinocchio hated glove puppets? Why is Pinocchio the most requested at the Disney brothel? Which Disney character can count the highest? Fox." jokes, dirty, funny. Voldemort: So I just have to lie? This wall of clocks sure feels like a reference to Zemeckis's breakthrough and signature film the time-travel-themed movie opened with a camera taking in a bunch of time-telling devices. Dirty Joke | Pinocchio is in bed with his girlfriend - YouTube 0:00 / 1:15 Dirty Joke | Pinocchio is in bed with his girlfriend Jokes Daily Time 1.36K subscribers 2.5K views 3. How did Gepetto get Pinocchios nose so shiny? Winding up under the tutelage of puppet show master Stromboli, Pinocchio endures painful wrath once more, as the villain hurls him across a room and into a cage. Once upon a time there was a bear and a rabbit. Mouse to mouse resuscitation. 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If not, they get sent to Hell. Jesus thinks this sounds simple enough, and he agrees. lets make love today And why on the ground Jiminy Cricket is a bug, and he speaks, and is so trusted that he's tasked with serving as a conscience. My zipper. He remarks that Pinocchio won't have to worry about much of anything when he's famous, particularly taxes, which feels like a politically-charged joke about certain elite figures. For a movie made by the powerful Disney, Jiminy Cricket's comments have an anti-Hollywood bent. no!". It only takes 2 for a party ", Pinocchio is making love to his human girlfriend, when she cries, "Stop, Pinocchio, please stop! Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? Adult dirty riddle jokes are some of the most beautifully produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes. Physiological needs Your butt cheeks. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven." Read Pinocchio from the story dirty jokes, comebacks and funny stuff by amberlynntaylor1888 (Amber-lynn taylor) with 1,294 reads. "Sandpaper," said the carpenter, "that's what you need." So, Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. 4. * Relatives I was going to tell you all a Pinocchio joke. One quick, delightful example of Collodi's trickery: Pinocchio asks the fairy how she knew that he was lying. The carrot is great for the eyes. Because Pinocchio told him he wanted to be a real buoy! She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me. An establishing shot of Geppetto's workshop lets the audience know that this version of the character is primarily a clockmaker his wall is covered in dozens of clocks of the cuckoo, novelty, noisy, and mechanical varieties. Faced with such a brilliant response, we have no possible reply. The 2022 live-action remake of Disney's "Pinocchio" fits that mold, offering a number of Easter eggs to the viewers with the keenest and quickest perspectives. Are you coming to an orgy tonight He goes into the room and comes out happy, saying "It's done. Yo mama so dirty, her house was mistaken for a landfill. Says the doctor. Hey, they told me you dont cum anymore Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said Sir everything should be OK In this story, Pinocchio was portrayed as a horrible little puppet who lied and cheated his way through life often laughing in the face of his creator Gepetto. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied. The husband tells his wife: Such kind of jokes could bring a smile on anyone's face or could crack them up in a knotty situation. ", She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming, "Lie to me, Pinocchio! Pinocchio: Yep How did Pinocchio discover he was made of wood? Widening the door frame Little red riding hood was walking through the forst and saw the wolf hiding in the grass 39. The truth is, even you know even a little bit of Disney trivia theres a number of Disney adult jokes that are not only goofy and dopey, but also dirty (which isnt a name of a Disney character but definitely could and should be). Why does Pinocchio grow his nose every time he sleeps? 6. Two different testicles An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge. She sat on Pinocchio's face and made him lie to her. They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride. He goes to his doctor, and says his girlfriend is complaining about splinters. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the drivers seat looking out the window. She said what big ears you have and he says the better to hear you with & he runs off So Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the carpenter, for advice. With me he faked it let's make love today * On the floor! Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?. "I have just discovered that you have one testicle made of wood and another made of steel.". BIRTHDAY "Every time we make love," she said, "I get splinters." And you are the ones who want to send me to the psychologist for eating my nails . Minnie told Mickey she wanted a divorce. This turnip looks like what my husband has between his legs! They inserted some bits that work as wordplay but which really subvert the PG rating to get in a couple of adults-only phrases. Popular topics. St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box? And how about the Martian woman? This image will haunt us in our nightmares. "Who needs girls?" 7. Later that night, their mother couldnt sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. That is why we had to share our favorite absurd dirty lines that you do not want to use anytime soon. 3. Pinocchio and Raggedy Ann a Dirty Joke at Jokes.Net . No one counted on this surprise guest to start the party . The Martian then man took the farmers wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another. * BAH! If their answer satisfies you, you let them in to Heaven. So that later they say about men, huh? "Go and get help!" Well, to feel something hard! He was jacking off one day and his hand caught on fire. What was Pinocchio's defense when he was tried for armed robbery? 2. Which women know their body best? His hand caught fire. But then, he's chided, chastised, and punished for allowing himself to fall into so many moral and physical traps ones he didn't even know existed. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. The attachment that some people can feel for their most precious personal belongings is immense. Pinocchio is in bed with his girlfriend, doing what wooden boys do with their girlfriends She sat and his face and sang "Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies", Geppetto asks "what's the matter Pinocchio? Jesus is a bit concerned and protests that he doesn't know the admissions procedure. While it's only noticeable for a few frames, many of those timepieces are Disney-branded items. Its true that todays children are already taught. Because he lets girls sit on his face while he tells them lies. Then you decide whether or not they should be allowed into heaven. The mother has a confused look on her face, Why do you say that sweetheart? Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" Nurse replied, I dont know Sir, I am just setting you clean Why is Santa Claus's wife unsatisfied with him? It's all part of a nefarious plan by the park's organizers. So the Martian man twisted his left ear and presto, his penis became longer. Examples of These Questionable Jokes. ? They lure in wayward youth and let them have all the fun they want, only for the park's dark magic to transform them into donkeys that can be sold off. The fairy replies: "Lies, my dear boy, are found out immediately, because they are . When Pinocchio lies, his nose gets an erection 25. -Patricia, if you knew how to cook we would save a fortune on the cook. Sex One of the most memorable (and frightening to younger viewers) moments in Disney's original 1940 animated production of "Pinocchio" was the Pleasure Island sequence, and the depiction of the consequences of a visit to the kiddie chaotic dream world of fun and misadventure. How I wish I could do that! Why cant Miss Piggy count to one hundred? said Pinocchio. * Because there are such insignificant things that go between parentheses. asks the priest. First: "Yes, of course." "Pinocchio" also deals in some pretty heady concepts, ones that are far beyond most children and all but the most thoughtful and philosophically minded of adults. Well Mom, she replied, you always said if it hurt I should scream. #3. 18. The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last nights noises. How did Pinocchio discover he was made of wood? Yo mama is so dirty, she's like a hockey player only showers . When his right arm caught on fire What does transgenders and Pinocchio have in common? Hilarious Pinocchio Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Pinocchio Jokes Voldemort: So I just have to lie? Copy This. What did he die of, doctor? It turns out that in the end the stork doesnt bring them Original Substitutes Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: LarnPaig1, diamonte.gibbs, severusanddraco. Returning visitor? A dick has a sad life. Where is Peter Pan's favorite place to eat out? At its core, Disney's Pinocchio is a moral parable encouraging boys to behave, to ignore the supposedly "sinful" temptations of the world, and to tell the truth lest their noses . And then there's the whole overriding in-joke of the scene in which Honest John and Pinocchio meet: He only entertains the notion of being an actor because Jiminy Cricket his conscience isn't around to tell him it's a bad idea. "I didn't have to," Steve replied. I really should have mentioned this earlier, but Im actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex. So Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the carpenter, for advice. Coca-Cola, since 1886, spreading happiness.. Do you prefer sex or Christmas Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face? The farmers wife replied It needs to be a little bigger around. So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his penis became bigger around. What do Viagra and Disney Land have in common? he asked. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); "You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." "But I can't. Your children's names are Ariel and Alladin. 26. The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed. Whats slimy, cold, long, and smells like pork. From its origins as an 19th century Italian novel through to its many adaptations for cinema and television, including Disney's monumentally popular 1940 animated version and the studio's 2022 live-action remake of that cartoon, "Pinocchio" is the alternately gentle and harrowing story of the titular character, a marionette-turned-human who endures a series of nightmarish trials to learn how the world works, and his personal moral code as he does, all of it a corollary for growing up. So, Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. Mom, mom, how do you explain that dad is black, you are white and I am yellow "Yes!" Pinocchio took the seat and said" Thank god I'm not a real boy!!". The patient just kept on asking again and again, Are my testicles black? Meghan Trainor and Pinocchio are actually pretty similar What did Pinocchio say when he discovered that he could float? You pray that nobody will ever discover your dirty little secret: That you sneak out of bed in the middle of the night, logon to the internet, and drool over online pictures of WDW. "I can't remember, exactly Peter Peter, something or other", Snow White & Pinocchio: Geppetto suggests that Pinocchio apply a little bit of sandpaper to his privates prior to the in. Every time he lied to me it made me feel so much better. By Mlanie Berliet Updated April 25, 2023. After some small talk,Geppetto ask Pinocchio,"So Pinocchio, tell me,how is your love life? Pinocchio: Childhood in the trash in 3,2,1, 9. Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. !" What did Minnie say? 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. "Sandpaper," said the carpenter. Two friends, one of them says to the other: Raggedy Ann setting on Pinocchio's face screaming,"Lie to me, lie to me. Before he sets off for school (and winds up going on a series of horrible and near deadly misadventures), Pinocchio has only been a living, conscious being for a few hours. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. "Every time we make love, I get splinters." So, Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the Carpenter, for advice. The curtain opens and a pig is seen making love to a dinosaur. - And why on the ground ? He just wanted something with no strings attached for a change! * Every day! A girl rings the doorbell of a house and an older man comes out, quite grumpy: Why arent we going anywhere? asked the girl. Dirty JOKES Pinnochio had been getting complaints from his girlfriend. Laughter is the best medicine in the world. Why did pinocchio buy a new monitor So Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the carpenter, for advice. Because every time she gets to sixty nine she gets a frog in her throat. Im going to eat you what NO ONE has eaten you! Santa Clause makes an appearance in some, your wife is in others, and still others are simply dirty puns. Still, he makes it to school, where he lasts all of five seconds before he's kicked out literally, forcefully and with shocking violence by the schoolmaster, because school is for "real children." Q: Why are hunters so great lovers in bed? The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. ", Perhaps certifying Jiminy Cricket, in his position as Pinocchio's external advisor, as the boy's "conscience" is inaccurate or incomplete. Doctor: Do you have children? Yes, I had a son, but I lost more Pinnochio had been getting complaints from his girlfriend. * Well, go home, your wife has started without you. Hey Pinocchio would that be your knee? He also co-wrote and helmed the 1985 sci-fi comedy "Back to the Future." Vote: share joke. Somebody call for help or call an ambulance! Click here for more information. 20. . The next morning, after their alien neighbors had left, the farmer and his wife were having coffee at the breakfast table and the farmer asked his wife How was the Martian man? To this, the farmers wife replied Fine. Lie to me!". Is it that not even when they rob you can you stop thinking about the same thing? A man meets a friend who is walking with bow legs. 5. Lie to me! What does Pinocchio say when he accidentally tells a lie? The old man replied, "I was a carpCLICK HERE!." What can I do.". Sit on my face and I'll tell you some lies. ? A beast is on the loose Then itd be a foot and that would be a much weirder story! The first individual that Pinocchio meets outside of Geppetto and the Blue Fairy, on his way to school, is the inaptly named Honest John, who heaps flattery and lies on Pinocchio so he can sell him to a performance troupe. Hey, you. * Well yes, enough. Why was Tigger in the bathroom for so long? Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Copy This. After engaging in the delights of the park, Pinocchio and his new friend Candlewick are transformed into donkeys. 55+ Dark Jokes If You Have A Sick-Yet-Silly Mind, Related: These Funny Comebacks And Insults Are What Our Minds Are Really Made Of. The first thing that was at hand A few weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again. Dirty Jokes Short Dirty Jokes Snow White is sitting on pinocchio's face and she says "tell me a lie" - Submitted by Jenny.